We paused what we were doing to make sure we'd heard right, discussions suspended, the hustle and bustle of getting ready for a new lecture temporarily dismissed, notes and materials debarred from completing their voyages from bags. She repeated herself "I say hope you are enjoyed your holidays". All doubt was cleared, the problem wasn't our auditory anatomy, it wasn't a chance gbaguan, it was deliberately conceived, packaged and delivered, standing before us was a master sheller, and we were about to be blown apart.
An excited murmur passed through the class as looks and words summarized to "did you hear that?!" were exchanged. People like me picked up their pens and recorded the new entry in a special dedicated notebook labeled "gbaguan inventory". After much ado and pleas for decorum from our distinguished professor of grammatical disconcord, the class quieted down and we continued...
"I'm here to teach you about properties of liquids and gases...", she continued when normalcy returned. "I'm sure you all you know what liquids and gases are..." We chorused positively and she went on. "Liquids include water, soft drinks and so on... While example of gases is the *year* we breathe..." That was it, again, "the *year* we breathe" was greeted with so much excitement, laughter erupted from different corners. At that moment, it was easy to mistake the class for the Muson Center during a standup comedy show where Julius Agwu, A. Y., Elenu or some other crazy CFR(as they call themselves) was incapacitating ribs. The good thing about this comedy show was it was free!!!
It was also at our own expense, because the noise annoyed the lecturer and she threatened, "What are you noise for, eh? I'm not here to joke o. I don't take nonsenses, ask your seniors in *yaaa* 2 and *yaaa* 3, I don't take nonsense..." God, she shouldn't have bothered, we quieted down, but the rockets launched in that threat were enough to make NASA envious.
The class continued with a number of ear assaults here and there, and muffled giggling as they dropped. Then she got to that point where we had some difficulty in understanding the note she was dictating, she had read out a sentence and on repeating it, she had changed some words in the sentence. This as expected confused us and we noisily brought our confusion to her notice.
"Why the noise, do you want me to be repeating me? Are you primary school *shuuudren* that I should be repeating me, I said explode, I said burst, it's the same thing, they mean together..." What?! Then she added " Explode, burst, it's a one word..." It's a what?!!!
*A one word*, epic. After that we nicknamed her "Iya Dwayne", Dwayne's mum, after one of us who had shot a similar bullet. He came to class one day after the holidays which he spent abroad, telling us about all the things he bought including a pen he got from Duty Free for, (in his words) *a one dollars*
Iya Dwayne lectured us for about three extra weeks, a period in which we were treated with the most exotic cuisines from the *gbaguan* menu to wet our mischievous appetites. She added about seven extra pages to my "gbaguan directory" which sadly got stolen, such things are coveted in my class. Without a "gbaguan inventory", it's hard to recall exactly the mortars fired. However, Iya Dwayne's rib shattering classes are difficult to forget and there's just *a one word* for her ear attacks, epic.
Read part 1 here: www.naijastories.com/author/clemency
Comments are welcomed and appreciated
Thanks for reading 😉
@clemency_green
Sent from my Windows Phone
An excited murmur passed through the class as looks and words summarized to "did you hear that?!" were exchanged. People like me picked up their pens and recorded the new entry in a special dedicated notebook labeled "gbaguan inventory". After much ado and pleas for decorum from our distinguished professor of grammatical disconcord, the class quieted down and we continued...
"I'm here to teach you about properties of liquids and gases...", she continued when normalcy returned. "I'm sure you all you know what liquids and gases are..." We chorused positively and she went on. "Liquids include water, soft drinks and so on... While example of gases is the *year* we breathe..." That was it, again, "the *year* we breathe" was greeted with so much excitement, laughter erupted from different corners. At that moment, it was easy to mistake the class for the Muson Center during a standup comedy show where Julius Agwu, A. Y., Elenu or some other crazy CFR(as they call themselves) was incapacitating ribs. The good thing about this comedy show was it was free!!!
It was also at our own expense, because the noise annoyed the lecturer and she threatened, "What are you noise for, eh? I'm not here to joke o. I don't take nonsenses, ask your seniors in *yaaa* 2 and *yaaa* 3, I don't take nonsense..." God, she shouldn't have bothered, we quieted down, but the rockets launched in that threat were enough to make NASA envious.
The class continued with a number of ear assaults here and there, and muffled giggling as they dropped. Then she got to that point where we had some difficulty in understanding the note she was dictating, she had read out a sentence and on repeating it, she had changed some words in the sentence. This as expected confused us and we noisily brought our confusion to her notice.
"Why the noise, do you want me to be repeating me? Are you primary school *shuuudren* that I should be repeating me, I said explode, I said burst, it's the same thing, they mean together..." What?! Then she added " Explode, burst, it's a one word..." It's a what?!!!
*A one word*, epic. After that we nicknamed her "Iya Dwayne", Dwayne's mum, after one of us who had shot a similar bullet. He came to class one day after the holidays which he spent abroad, telling us about all the things he bought including a pen he got from Duty Free for, (in his words) *a one dollars*
Iya Dwayne lectured us for about three extra weeks, a period in which we were treated with the most exotic cuisines from the *gbaguan* menu to wet our mischievous appetites. She added about seven extra pages to my "gbaguan directory" which sadly got stolen, such things are coveted in my class. Without a "gbaguan inventory", it's hard to recall exactly the mortars fired. However, Iya Dwayne's rib shattering classes are difficult to forget and there's just *a one word* for her ear attacks, epic.
Read part 1 here: www.naijastories.com/author/clemency
Comments are welcomed and appreciated
Thanks for reading 😉
@clemency_green
Sent from my Windows Phone
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